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 Final Tinder Date.
This guy keeps me flutter with his generous treats and his sweet messages.
I have never expected to fall for someone so deeply.
I crave for his attention, his messages 24/7 and the dates we have.
Every moments with him was magical.
Downfall
Situation changes because of the insecurity I had.
Staring at my phone, waiting for his reply and looking at his online status.
I couldn't take it and confronted him.
We became 'friends'.
Two weeks past, I felt empty without him.
Felt that I'll live with regrets about how I just give up and
what might happened if I'd just fought for him a little.
The feeling of not being able to move on, it sucks honestly.
I thought a lot and put down my pride.
I was wrong.
Chatting back with him doesn't makes me feel better.
It makes me feel that I have to keep up with the conversation
because he isn't interested.
He's just entertaining me with his late replies.
They said it's not over until you let it go.
I knew the answer from the start.
But still, I tried and fight for it.
Well, if it's not meant to be, it wouldn't be.
I'm tired and that's it.
 O levels struggle Hi I'm back. Ever since I stopped blogging after my last post, a lot of things has happen. So here's a short timeline. May: Chinese O levels June: July-Aug: Study Aug: Chinese O level Result Sep-Oct: Preliminary Exam Oct-Nov: O levels Nov - Jan: Working 23 Jan: O levels Result Day So, I have to clarify that I'm not a smart person and not those geeky kind that will score like A1 for all of my subjects but I can said that I'm satisfied and thankful for the result that I got. I got back my chinese result really early during august and I've attainted an A2 which makes me really really glad. I remember those days of chinese supplementary classes whereby teachers flood us with tons of paper 1 and paper 2 to do. It's seriously damn tedious but everyone work hard especially for that 2 weeks of chinese lesson every single day. Well, after getting back my chinese result. I also took a long break from work as I have to prepare for my o levels. That period was the beginning of my toughest time. Firstly, it was the period of EAE application period. I was really excited because I came back to sec 5 mainly for this. I knew that with the N levels marks that I got it is difficult to get into the course that I really want. With this EAE scheme, I'll be able to get into any course as long as I met the requirements and get below 26pts. Well, the course that I've been dying to get in is Singapore Poly Integrated Events & Project Management. I really love planning events and I feel that it actually brings people together. But sadly, I failed the 1st round of test for the course. I was so so upset. I cried that day, and I kept thinking without EAE, how am I going to get into even any course? But I was a given chance, a chance to another course, Interior Design. At first, I hesitated because even though I like it but I'm not confident of actually working in this industry in the future. Well, design to me is pretty complicated. People that do well, do really well with their outstanding and innovative design but for people that don't do well, its like a dead end. But still, I remember Alicia was sitting by my side and saying that, at least you got this EAE spot. With only less than 26 pts, you can get into a 16pts course. I was debating and I know that with my capability, its hard to get into a course with my raw pts. So in the end, I accepted this course. Secondly, I remember I got back my prelim result around september. 
I'm not surprised but rather upset, disappointed at myself for this.
I knew that I have not been working hard enough and I have been
slacking off.
I thought back to myself, with this marks I cannot even get into EAE or
any poly. And from then on, I started working hard.
This paper was the paper that bitch slapped me so hard that I woke up.
So yea, from then on I work hard.
I remember doing the Mathematics TYS topical every single day.
Also I hand up english compo and situational writing to my teacher every week.
I also went back for extra mathematics lesson every saturday which helps me a lot.
Yes and indeed, I took a lot of my stressful and dying pics XD
From staying up late to coffee bean study alone, I'm glad I survive.
      
Well after o levels ended, everyone anticipated on their result.
They always said you reap what you sow, you sow what you reap.
I remember I was being so nervous on the result day. Actually not just me,
but everyone. I was holding to yuki's hands and telling her that "I hope
everyone did well, like well enough to just go poly".
When it was my turn, I signed the paper but I didn't see my marks.
I mean I was interested in my marks but I'm more interested in whether
if I've secure a place in interior design. So I open the envelop for the JAE first.
And I got this.
I WAS SO SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY AND THANKFUL.
Till now, this joy is still deep down in my heart.
I'm glad because I've fully utilised 2017 to study hard and do well for o levels.
I'm glad because I get into the course that I am interested in.
But I couldn't have made it without the supporters behind me,
my family, my teachers and my friends.
Thank you so much!
That's all for today, I'll be dedicating a post to them in my next post.
Also I'll be going to taiwan next week, so I'll be writing another post on it
when I return.
A special visit Last month, it was Jinhao and Meiling's birthday. We went to sentosa to celebrate their birthday. Bought a cake and some food. It was a great day there but the sun was really scorching hot as we went in the afternoon. Even though they are in poly now but still, we meet up once in a while. Its crazy how fast time past. When we have been classmates for almost 4 years and last year all of us are just mugging for n level and look where all of us now. Parting separate ways as we are pursuing different goals. Well, I really wish the best for them :) 
Last month, I also attended a chinese musical, 老九 at NLB.
The musical was grand and breathtaking with the perfect coordination of music
and acting. It tells the story of a boy chasing after his own dreams. It's touching and
inspiring, really worth it!!
It's May already and I've been really busy with studies but still I made time once in
a while for my best friend, Ulrica. hahaha and just the last time we went out for movie date.
we just have to be so childish, fooling around the the cinema door. In the end, I dropped
my drink and half of the ice lemon tea is gone. My heart sinks, but still it's moment like this
that keep us close hahah
Had a short catch up with ahq last week. We went for lunch at Gudetama cafe.
The reviews was bad, about the service and food but when we went there, it doesn't
seems like that. The food was surprisingly amazing and we even got 2 complimentary
onsen egg. Gosh, its so nice and I'm missing there already.
Recently, it's also charmaine's birthday. I saved up and bought a really pretty bracelet
and super delicious matcha cake (even she say so) for her birthday. Glad that she's finally
17teen. She may be 4 months younger than me but somehow wiser than me sometimes..
This week, I've been quite busy being a "tour guide", bringing Eunice and her friend,
Xue Qing around Singapore.
(Eunice left; XueQing right)
They arrived 2 days ago and they checked in at Marrison Hotel. The picture looks really nice but when we went there, reality kinda sinks in as the room was quite small. We went to bugis and clarke quay. Then we ended off our day with supper at Bedok blk 85. They food is really great, and the stingray is even better than Chomp Chomp.
Yesterday, they went to checked in at Sentosa Hotel. The hotel is really
magnificent as there is a additional climb up bed. Everyone was so engrossed
with how nice the hotel were that we kinda lost track of time. The bed is really
comfy and the view is really nice.
 
After that, we went to garden by the bay by walking from Bayfront.
The view of the Marina Bay Sands is really spectacular.
We reached Garden by the bay around 10minutes and went into Flower
Dome and Cloud Forest. It's the season of Tulip and the flowers was very pretty
and there's even some artistic drawings like starry starry night displayed there which
really enhances the beauty of the tulip flowers.
    
Its really nice seeing Eunice again after a year has passed. We went to malaysia to find
her last year and this year she came out to find us. Even though it's a short trip, but we
still managed to catch up with what we missed out over the year. Time was totally not on our side
and just today she is returning back to malaysia. I really kinda miss her because when she's
around she gives you the feeling of being safe and warmth, therefore I always like
hanging out with her last time. Really hoping to meet her soon <3
But for now I think what I have to stay focus on is O level.
In just another 5 months, I'll be over it and by then I'm sure I'll spent my time
wisely to catch up with whatever I have missed out on and sacrifices for. I hope this
whole year of studying will be worth it, to help me achieve my goals even closer.
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Term 1 3 months passed by in a blink of an eye.
It has been tough, really tough. Sometimes, I have the urge to give up.
To just apply for ITE instead of studying my ass off for o levels.
I question myself, what is the reason of coming back and what motivation
do I have, to stretch myself in achieving my goals.
I even asked my teacher what is the motivation in sec 5.
He said 'grades' which I agree to a certain extend.
By setting your grades high and at the same time achieving it,
it's a wonderful feeling.
The start of secondary 5 life isn't really stressful yet because lessons hasn't
officially starts.
There's CCA open house during Jan for the sec 1.
On top of that, it's also my birthday during the month of jan.
I went to town to celebrate it. Had an enjoyable day and sumptuous meal at
soup restaurant.
(The chicken is really amazing)
As it's approaching the end of jan, reality starts to sink in as 2 of my amazing
friends is leaving for poly foundation. Yuyan and Meiling.
It's really sad to know that they are leaving us but on the bright side, they are entering
poly :)
During feb, I've also went to this cafe which serves really unique drinks.
They name the drinks after Descendants of the Son and My love from the stars.
 
(the design of the cafe is really cozy too)
Tapei Seoul Cafe
10 Jalan Leban
Singapore
It is also the month of chinese new year. I didn't receive much "ang baos" but
was able to spent quality time with my family which is a great thing.
Occasionally, I also met up with my best friends.
I met up with Charmaine frequently as we work together and usually we go for
dinner or movie dates.
I've also met up with Ulrica. As we are both busy now and her school is quite far,
we could only meet up several times. I'm glad that at least she's doing something
she like now and seeing her happy makes me happy too :)
As for my nephew, he's doing fine except that he has some difficulties in talking properly.
He has also become more mischievous these days.
Not to forget, my usual study buddy, Jennelle.
We have been studying a lot during weekends or after school.
She has been a great motivator for me to buck up on my studies.
As she has been pushing me forward and helping me in questions.
Really thankful to have a buddy like her :)
During the month of March, it was also my dad's birthday.
I bought for him shirt from G2000 and bought him for dinner at Soup Restaurant
which he enjoyed a lot. We also went to watch a chinese movie, Vampire Cleanup
Department. It was a comedy and romance movie but the ending was kinda
tragedy. After all, it was an amazing movie.
 
Lessons wise, I think the most stressful subject is DNT.
It really put me through tons of hell with deadlines to meet and quantity of
coursework to do. Compared to last year, I think dnt this year has stretch me a lot
in terms of developing ideas. I've also grew more interest in dnt after visiting
URA during the singapore arts festival to see dnt work by poly students.
It inspires me deeply. I was lost in what course I'm going to choose for EAE as there's
only 3 choices. But right now, I think I'm more sure of the courses that I'm interested in.
As the date is approaching o level, I have to put in tremendous effort
to really buck up on my weak subjects like science, especially. Well, I really hope
that I'll be able to juggle for the next 6 more months and I knew after o level ends,
that's when I'm able to do my own things and pursue my interests.
Overall, its gonna be more challenging and tedious but I guess hardwork will paid off eventually.
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20sixteen As a new year approach, we tend to look back at the things we've been through in the 365days. Probably it's an awesome destination we've been? or a tough experience? For me, I feel that 2016 has been great. Many ups and down, definitely. I think 2016 has been a bullet train and I realise I'm going to be 17 next year. Before I knew it, I'm already done with n level and got my result. I think it's because of the long hours of being in school that kept me busy to even realise how fast the time has past. This year, I've watched many movies and dramas. I felt that the best movie is still Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. It's a really amazing movie that makes me fall in love with the author of the original story, Jane Austen. 
After watching that movie, I also watched a historical romance movie, Persuasion,
also originally written by Jane Austen. The plot really touch my heart.
As for dramas, I've watch many like the descendants of the sun, unconditionally fond.
But still, I really love Moonlight drawn by clouds. It's a korean drama that shows the
crown prince falling in love with a eunuch which disguise herself as a guy. Gosh,
this drama is like so romantic and Park Bo Gum is really handsome. And the MAIN
CATCH of this drama is that the lead actress, Kim Yoo-Jung is only 17 years old. OMG
Another drama that I really love is, 微微一小很倾城. Even though this drama is
30 episodes but I can't get enough of it. It's about this two college students that play
online role playing game and falls in love. It's really really amazing and I really don't mind
watching it over and over again because the plot of the drama is really smooth.
And the best thing is there isn't like third party in their relationship which is really a
major turn off in most of the drama.
I felt that the greatest accomplish this year is to pass every subjects in n level because
I failed math, science and dnt during prelims. I was really devastated and from then
I work really hard. I still remember sleeping for only 5 hours a day during the period.
But I'm glad, really glad that I made it through to secondary 5 to take my o level. I
know that it's gonna be harder but I know that I can do it.
We may be living in this safe country in Singapore with good security and good
government but every time when I read the news, there're so many people
dying everyday of malnutrition, terrorist attacks, genocide and natural disasters.
Like the Yazidi genocide that cause many yazidi women in Iraq to be badly treated, raped
and many killed by ISIS. It's really brokenhearted to know how horrible humans can be,
to use savage methods to achieve their goals. I really do hope that things will be better,
so much better for them. We live our life everyday without worries when
they are escaping everywhere, finding whatever to fill their stomach and looking at the sky
wondering what's there for their future. I really appreciate my life because I know
how much better my life is.
This year, I've also learnt many lessons. One of the lesson that hit me the hardest was
to learn to live in the moment. I remember going out every time and I would be
on my snapchat, looking at others snaps or snapping my life. It came to a point when
I realise that my life is really pointless. I felt that I should start living in the moment
and to cherish the time of now. So I've decided to delete my snapchat during
the last few months. I felt that my life has become more fulfilling now and I'm glad
I've made this choice :)
In 2017, I hope that I'll manage my time wisely and excels in my studies as
o level is my final gamble to get me a spot to poly. I also hope that I'll be able
to save up my $ to travel to Taiwan and China. Wishing everyone a happy new year
and I would like to share this quote that I recently came across that inspire me.
'Forever is composed of nows"
-Emily Dickinson
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My holidays and n level result I think 1 of the thing that I really enjoyed during the holiday is eating. Well basically, I've been working about 5 to 6 days a week so the free time I had is usually for food. 
(top left to bottom right)
Had carbonara @ pastamania and it's really delicious and worth the $ as well.
I also had tofu ice cream desert from Mosburger Cafe which is located @ RafflesCity
I swear that's my fav desert and it cost only $3.95 :)
I also went to chomp chomp and tried the salted egg chickens, it taste really nice.
Umi Sushi @ Tanjong Pagar also have rice and ala carte omelette and chicken side.
Damn nice and it cause less than $10 when I purchase the chawamushi and peach tea set
During the holidays, I also didn't saved up much to go further countries like Taiwan or China.
So I went to Malaysia, Genting instead. Well, the scenery there is really breath taking as well
and the weather there is cooling about 17degree at night. But one thing I really loathe is the
smell of smoke almost everywhere I go. Anyway I visited a temple up the mountain which
has really amazing scenery.
 
Took a really great photo with my grandma and we both look good :)
Also tagging along this trip, is my best friend, Charmaine :)
I guess she's like my everything, we have had staycation before, went to batam last year and genting
this time. I always feel very comfortable when I'm with her :) Of course, there's more to
come, I guess when we get older and when we start earning more money, yea, I'll definitely
travel with her to Europe :)
It has been a great getaway but I was not really feeling well the first day when
we got up there in the bus as I was having stomach flu the day before. So I don't
really look good as well, bringing medicines there and plenty of plastic bag to
prevent myself from vomiting in the bus. It's awful, but after when we get back to
Singapore I felt much better.
After getting my pay, I had better food? but it's a bit more costly.
I had bingsu @ 313 somerset. Well it's different from last time as the bowl is smaller
and the price increased.
Also had seafood spaghetti @ Ice Edge Cafe. It's cost about $17 but worth the money.
Four fingers, is really really awfully awesome. I'm really in love with their soy garlic
chickens which tasted like heaven. I'll definitely eat it but maybe once in 2 months ? haha
I also had Astons, which till now I guess, provide the most affordable price and delicious food.
This Christmas, I've also spent it with Charmaine and Jonathan again as well.
It was not very pleasant at the beginning but I guess as time pass, things start
to fall back in place and yeap and that's how we are always. haha
Had steamboat with them @ 313steamboat and I felt really filling. I think the
greatest gain back is the ice cream which tasted really nice though with the caramel sauce.
After that, we went to walked at Orchard Road but the weather was really awful as it's
drizzling and the amount of people there, really packed. But still, we managed to find a good spot
to take photos. It has been a wonderful with them.
As for my n level result, I have to said that I didn't did my best yet because the time
when I really started to be serious in my work was when I got 21points for my
prelim. That was when I knew I have to put in effort if I'm aiming for sec 5 or even pfp.
Result was out, and I'm glad I'm able to make it through to sec5 for another year.
Next year, I knew it's gonna be different in the sense of more hardwork, more effort and
more concentration on my studies because o level is really something. It's like I have
less than a year for this gamble of my place in polytechnic. I'll definitely work hard
starting from now and spent my 2017 wisely with my books. This holiday, I've also came to
realise a lot through working at various places. I'm really grateful for the opportunity I was given
along this 2 months to experience new things. As the new year is coming, I hope everything's
fine for me, for you and for everyone.
To be honest, I really do not have much motivation to do well for sec 5 because of the stress I'm
going to face and the amount of work I have to catch up to brush on my foundation
and do EVEN BETTER for o level. But interestingly, recently I met a person and she told me this.
I found it really encouraging like a wakeup call for me and somehow I remember what I really want to do in life and for my future, I would like to share with you.
She said "Life is never gonna be easy. But if you tell yourself you can do it, you already
won the first half of the battle."
a very merry christmas and happy new year :)
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